


The Realization

by Silex



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/F, First Dates, Post-Canon, Recovery, Reminiscing, Trick or Treat: Treat, nothlit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 13:24:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21198365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/pseuds/Silex
Summary: Rachel feels lost after the end of the war. Cassie invites her hiking so that they can spend time together and just talk. It ends up helping far more than Rachel expected.





	The Realization

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Alana](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alana/gifts).

My name’s Rachel and…

It really doesn’t matter does it? Everyone knows my face, my name, what I did in the war. I’m a hero, famous, getting everything most people dream of getting, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

In high school everyone probably figured that this would be what I’d want, being a sort of celebrity, having people recognize me, ask for my autograph, getting invited to all sorts of big events, but really I just want to be normal.

Or maybe I don’t.

Since the war’s ended I don’t know what I want anymore.

Being in the limelight is fun and all, but there are times I want something more or to get away from it all or something I don’t even know.

That was why I was willing to take Cassie up on her offer, even though it was something I’d never want to do on my own.

Ever.

The thing is, somehow she makes adjusting look so easy. She has way more responsibilities than I do, is so much more involved in, well, everything and I’m just kind of drifting.

Making the rounds is what Cassie calls it. I know that it’s part of her routine because we talk often enough and it’s something she genuinely enjoys. This isn’t the first time she’s invited me, just the first time I’ve taken her up on the offer. I don’t really know how to feel about it, given what it entails.

Visiting the nothlits is Cassie’s way of trying to make peace with herself, something she sees as a responsibility. I don’t know if it helps, but there’s got to be a reason that Cassie’s been able to handle things so well.

We’d both been so busy, her with her responsibilities, me with trying to figure things out, that I was more than happy to go with her for the chance to get away from everything it feels like I’m avoiding. I might not like what we were doing, but spending time with her face to face instead of long phone calls, would be nice. I don’t exactly miss the rest of the Animorphs, but there are times I do.

We didn’t talk much on the ride to the state park, or I didn’t. Cassie talked about everything she’s been up to, how much she missed me, which made me smile.

Of everyone, since we’ve drifted apart, she’s the one I miss the most. Jake gave me direction, Marco was someone to bounce off of, Tobias was a reason to keep going, Ax gave me something I guess, but Cassie kept me grounded. She kind of radiated a feeling of with-itness that held the whole team together. She was our moral compass and as long as she was in it we knew we were doing right.

I missed that so much, more than I realized until I saw her there, smiling, her arms open for a hug even though either of us were really the hugging sort.

The ride wasn’t bad given what we were going to and with Cassie pointing out all of the plants and animals we passed along the way when we got there and started walking it was a good distraction. With Cassie idly musing that she might want to start taking online courses to get a degree in forestry if veterinary school didn’t pan out, it was easy to pretend that this was just an ordinary walk.

Two friends enjoying time together.

It sounds awful, but, being with Cassie out in the woods was one of the few times I’d been happy recently.

Sure flying with Tobias was fun and all and I was pretty sure that I’d seen these exact trees from above. The thing was, with Tobias, as much as we have in common, recently it’s been the differences that we spend most of our time focusing on.

Tobias was coping with things his own way, spending time with Loren and trying to figure out if having a family was right for him or even possible. There was a lot he needed to put behind him. Out of all of us he’s the one who’s suffered the most and I get the feeling that he hasn’t even told me half of it. Maybe when he gets it all sorted out he’ll tell me more, let me in on what’s really bothering him, but right now there’s just so much that he’s trying to put things together and compartmentalize.

The problem is, the war is part of what he’s trying to put behind him and I guess to me the war was part of our best days together. I mean we wouldn’t have anything in common if not for it. With him I could reminisce about fear and adrenaline that I’d always craved without ever knowing it before, the horrible certainty that came with a life-or-death battle. It’s terrible, I know, but I miss that.

That’s not what Tobias wants though, he wants to focus on the future, the world that we’d saved and figuring out his place in it, rather than what they’d done to get there.

The purpose of Cassie’s visit, even though we haven’t seen any of them yet, has me thinking about nothlits like Tobias. If Tobias wanted to he could just morph human and stay that way, maybe someday he will, but for now he needs to escape and the hawk lets him do that. Maybe he’s happier that way, straddling two worlds and I’m the one trying to pull him into a world he doesn’t want to fully be a part of.

I guess what’s happened with us is similar to what had happened with Cassie and Jake, responsibilities and priorities got the better of them. Too many painful memories and too much to focus on. They’ve tried a few times, but whatever kept them together through the war, it’s not there. Or at least that’s the impression I’ve gotten from my conversations about it with Jake. Cassie never brings it up, though the way she talks about Jake makes me think that her view of it is different. She’s fond of him, has nothing but positive things to say about him, but that something that Jake talks about just isn’t there.

Two different views of things, just like what Cassie’s overseeing right here in these woods apparently. This though is two different views of the extinction of a species, for that’s what’s being done with the Yeerks. Given the choice of dying, living as helpless slugs, prisoners on their home planet, or ending up as nothlits, trapped in the form of Earth animals, for most of them is isn’t really much of a choice.

At least not in my opinion. All I need to do is think about how happy Tobias is as a hawk, the freedom of flying and then I look down at the ground or a puddle and things crawling there and I know. Sure there are those trying to hold out, but the Andalites are rigorous in tracking them down and the failed invasion of Earth had been a huge blow to the Yeerks. Their empire’s been shattered and it’s only a matter of time and I know it’s awful, but I kind of admire the Yeerks that are still fighting their futile battle.

I want to be out there, fighting myself, but it’s a different kind of war now, one with no place for me. I’m sure that the Andalites would take me on one of their battleships and I could be out there on the frontlines again, but I wouldn’t be doing anything. I’d be little more than a mascot.

They’d still take me along though, because Cassie, myself and all the Animorphs, are heroes to the Andalites, Hork-Bajir, all of humanity and other races that I’d never even met though Cassie probably has.

It seems that in the end no one liked the Yeerks.

Except Cassie apparently, in between her duties as ambassador and representative for the Hork-Bajir living on Earth, she manages to find time to spend with morph-locked Yeerks.

Which I guess makes a kind of sense, between befriending Aftran and taking her government duties with the Earth’s resident alien populations seriously, I could see why she did it. After all, the Yeerk nothlits are still aliens, even if they look like animals.

Lost in my own thoughts I never noticed Cassie stop and look up until she shouted.

“Hey!”

I did a double take, sure she was calling me back to her. It’s stupid, but I’d hoped that it was because of some danger.

Looking up the reason immediately became clear.

There was a mountain lion sitting in one of the trees. Despite myself, I smiled, it wasn’t the kind of battle I’d been missing, but it was something, I focused on my bear-morph, aching with how much I’d missed it and eager for the chance to flex my claws and frighten the cat off.

<<Hello Ambassador Cassie.>>

The words were spoken in an overly formal voice, the carefully clipped tones of a Yeerk who’s only lessons in English came from other nothlits. This was a Yeerk who’d never infested a human, possibly even a Hork-Bajir, had maybe spent its whole life as a slug floating in a pool.

“I didn’t think they were allowed predators,” I said, talking to Cassie, but keeping an eye on the morph-locked Yeerk. There was no telling what it was thinking, no way to be sure that it wouldn’t try something. Maybe it was angry about what had happened to the Yeerks, maybe it thought this was a chance for it to be a hero, take out two of the Animorphs.

Maybe I was projecting in the hope of a fight.

“They’ve eased up some,” Cassie said cheerfully, more than a little pride in her voice, “For the sake of conservation. Yeerks are allowed to choose to acquire endangered or threatened species now, either to bolster isolated populations or to establish territories near areas frequented by humans to create a buffer zone. In other areas they’re guiding migrations, helping rear orphaned animals or teaching members of the species they’ve chosen to avoid humans.”

I watched, skeptical, as the mountain lion nothlit leapt down from the tree. Cassie made the whole idea sound almost reasonable, like it was a good thing to let Yeerks be things capable of killing a person.

It looked from her to Cassie, yellow eyes bright and curious.

<<Cassie has told me much about you, but you are not what I expected. I understand that humans are more varied than we Yeerks are…were and that variation within families is great, this though is a surprise.>>

It blinked and looked at Cassie, who was blushing.

She looked at me and shrugged helplessly, “Yeerks don’t understand some things. I think he misunderstood when…”

The nothlit let out a very feline huff and pressed its head against Cassie in a very formal looking version of what an affectionate housecat might do.

Cassie smiled and relaxed, “Sepet, I said that Rachel was _like_ a sister to me not that she was my sister.”

<<That makes sense. I would never imagine either of you could be a Lesser.>>

That I understood, “You what?”

The nothlit bristled and took a step back from Cassie, teeth bared, tail lashing.

Tobias had told me that the hawk and all its instincts were there, a part of him just below the surface despite how much time he spent that way, sometimes breaking through. I’d felt it often enough in my own morphing, sometimes using those instincts to my own ends, driving natural ferocity beyond its limits. This Yeerk, trapped as a mountain lion, was dangerous.

And Cassie, impossibly brave and naïve, stepped between us, “Really, I just should have done a better job explaining. Let’s try to get this off on the right foot. Rachel, this is Sepet 5729, Sepet 5729, this is Rachel.”

The nothlit, Sepet, made a noise that mountain lions probably didn’t normally make.

I glared at him.

“I’m sorry,” Cassie said, though I couldn’t tell who she was talking to, “This isn’t how I wanted things to go.”

<<How did you want things to go?>>

Andalites didn’t have the monopoly on obliviousness and awkward questions apparently and I laughed despite myself.

That seemed to diffuse the whole situation because the next thing I knew Cassie was asking about how the Yeerk had been doing and they started talking back and forth about what could only be other Yeerks.

<<She’s a crow now. I met her and she is with other crows. We share food often. They’re loud, but they are nice to her and don’t mind me now that she’s introduced us. She says that crows can talk, though not like we do.>>

“I’m so happy,” Cassie laughed, “I’d brought her out here looking for you, but you weren’t around and she said that she’d look. She seemed really happy as a bird.”

<<She is.>>

The two of them talked back and forth about Yeerks and other things that I couldn’t bring myself to care about.

Why had Cassie brought me out here? She knew that this wasn’t my kind of thing, that I’d much rather spend the day out shopping or in watching movies and talking about nothing important or reminiscing about our time together as Animorphs.

And why did Sepet keep looking at me?

It was nervous, I could tell, which was fine by me, though I kind of wished that it would say something. I was fine with people being frightened of me and having a Yeerk afraid of me normally wouldn’t be something I’d care about, but the way it was looking at me bothered me.

Only part of it was because the thing was a mountain lion.

Cassie thankfully seemed to pick up on this, “What’s wrong?”

I started to answer, but the Yeerk spoke first, its words hurried and fearful.

<<There isn’t another yet? Right? For now it’s just the two of you? I do not know how these things are for humans, but I don’t want…>>

“Oh, Sepet,” Cassie knelt down and threw her arms around the thing, blushing furiously, “That’s not how it works at all.”

The mountain lion’s tail lashed furiously, its claws digging into the dirt.

I was terrified, but Cassie seemed oblivious.

<<Then I misunderstood? Humans are very different from Yeerks and I don’t want to say that you shouldn’t wish to become parents, but I would miss you and human grubs take so long to mature.>>

“What!” Fear immediately became concern, or maybe anger. The Yeerk was clearly insane.

Cassie buried her face in the fur of its back, “This isn’t how I wanted things to go Sepet. This really isn’t the way I’d planned.”

In a contorting that only a cat could manage, the mountain lion managed to twist so that it could look at Cassie.

<<I’m sorry?>>

“Don’t be,” Cassie muttered, then lifted her head and looked at me, “I’m so sorry Rachel, I really am. I’d thought this would be a nice walk, we’d visit with whoever was out, Sepet, Sshasif 358, maybe Jofin 1790 or a few of the others that live here, then we’d stop by that little diner we passed on the way here, and maybe plan for another day out together, or a night just see each other more and figure out if things would work.”

I stared at her, things slowly falling into place, “This was supposed to be a date, wasn’t it?”

“Well,” Cassie looked away, like she hoped that the little songbird that had just landed on a nearby branch would say something, “When I saw the article in that one magazine where they said you were flirting with that one starlet I thought…”

She’d been reading a celebrity gossip magazine and saw an article about me in it and thought…

Yes, I had been flirting with her, but only because she’d started it and I didn’t think that she was serious. I’d wanted to see how far she’d go and not unexpectedly, once I started to share war stories and offered to morph for her, her choice of animal, she’d gotten frightened. That Cassie read something like that and then thought to ask me out on a date.

Had I really been that dense?

Mentally I replayed some of our most recent conversations. Nothing that could be interpreted as a hint, even by the biggest stretch of the imagination stood out to me.

There was only one thing to do, “Cassie, this isn’t how you ask someone out, going on a hike and taking them to a little diner out in the middle of nowhere. You take them to a restaurant, or to a movie, or someplace nice.”

<<This is a nice place.>> Sepet huffed defensively.

“No, you let me finish,” I glared at the Yeerk, “Cassie, you do it like this: Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies with me. The IMAX Theater is showing some nature documentary thing and I was wondering if you wanted to go. Afterwards I was thinking we could go out to get something to eat. There’s this really weird looking Mongolian place that I saw and it sounds like it might be fun.”

Cassie stared, “Is that just an example or are you actually asking me?”

Okay, so maybe I wasn’t the only one who was dense, which made me wonder, what had Cassie been saying that I hadn’t picked up on because there was nothing for me to pick up on?

“Of course I’m asking you!” I said, exasperated.

<<This is very complicated.>>

“I wasn’t asking you,” I snapped, not sure if I was mad at the Yeerk or not. Without its tone-deaf comments I probably never would have figured out what Cassie was doing, but at the same time, having an alien parasite trapped as a mountain lion watching this whole thing, and interjecting with its comments didn’t make the situation any less awkward.

“I’d love to,” Cassie said, standing up and dusting off her knees, “And thank you Sepet for being such a help.”

Well, that answered the question. Without the Yeerk Cassie never would have said outright what her intentions were.

<<It does take three,>> Sepet purred happily, before turning and vanishing into the undergrowth.

I had no idea what that meant and I decided that I didn’t want to.

Cassie looked at me, the silence suddenly awkward.

“We can still go to that diner if you want,” I offered.

She smiled, “That would be great.”

And taking my hand in hers, she walked me down the trail to finish our hike. Because apparently nothing was going to stop her from walking in the woods and talking to Yeerks trapped as different animals.

I wasn’t going to complain though. It was just so Cassie, wanting to finish a walk through the woods, that there wasn’t anything I could say.

I needed someone I could relax and just be myself around so I shouldn’t have been surprised that Cassie needed the same.

It was just kind of annoying that a Yeerk had been necessary to get the whole thing started.

“I really hope we meet Belriss 953,” Cassie said, leaning against my shoulder, “I think the two of you will get along great.”

Okay, it was more than kind of annoying, but if it made Cassie happy I could at least try to get along with her Yeerk friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone lives and has happy endings eventually, even if not mentioned in this fic, because after all of these years I'm still bitter over the way that the series ended.


End file.
